I absolutely hate when you have so much to do the next day that that's all you can think about and sleep eludes you. You think about how much you need to sleep and it gets even harder to doze off. Counting backwards from 100 with each breath out didn't work, so I decided to get up. I crossed a bunch of items off my to-do list, and then came the next task of the day-go to the dreaded clinic. So I'm sitting at the walk in clinic to get my prescription renewed... bored out of my head, about to loose it on the mother across from me who can't control her overly annoying child as I am already irritated-I can feel a tension headache building. Just then I look down... and notice my very unattractive bulge in the front of my pants-it looked like I was packing something big in there. For a male... I'm sure they wouldn't mind having something like that for the opposite sex to gawk at... But for me-utterly embarrassing. Regardless, they are my favorite jeans because they have an awesome wash, have awesome texture and perfect thickness-and best of all they give me hips and make my butt look amazing (hard to do sometimes because I'm so thin and for lack of a better word, kinda curveless). In my boredom I began to think of other ways jeans were unattractive or a pain in the ass.
#1 Gaping or indecent exposure of your crack. No one wants to see that shit. so please, save all of our eyes. Maybe they fit your calves, thighs and butt perfectly, but if the top band is too wide-throw 'em away or get them fixed- or at least, PLEASE wear a belt
#2 People constantly pulling up their pants. Its distracting... and has the potential to violate some eyes with butt cleavage.
#3 Camel toe-no explanation needed. It's just not cute.
#4 Pants that are too tight- on me, I look like a skeleton-like I have an eating disorder. For larger girls, it can make you look like a cone if they are tapered in at the bottom, or (I hate saying this, I don't like to judge) but it can look like overstuffed sausages.
#5 Pants deliberately hanging off your butt so that I can see the colour and/or print of a person's underwear/boxers. Common', you can't really think that's classy.
#6 Flood pants- No-sorry they don't fall into the category of "cropped", they are noticeably at that awkward length that others will point at.
#7 Pants that are superrrr long. Its like $20 bucks people. Get 'em chopped. They aren't your dogs nuts.
#8 Pants that look amazinggggg on you-until you sit and cross your legs. Then, you magically sprout an imaginary penis.
#9 Zippers, that no matter how many times you pull them up, they continue to fall down multiple times a day. If you insist on wearing these types of pants, do yourself and all of us all a favour and wear underwear.
#10 waistbands that are too tight- no one likes a muffin top.
#11 Pants that are too big- they just look sloppy.
I've learned after buying many pairs of jeans (that later required belts
every time you wear them) that BEFORE you buy them, of course try them
on! Wiggle around a bit in them, see if they begin to recede to your
knees. And do not forget to DO THE SIT TEST! (with your back facing the
mirror, go into a squat- go a little lower than you would on a chair-
and if it gaps, if it shows your buttcrack, immediately discard unless you planned to get them professionally altered)
